Umuntu uwo ariwe wese ufite umuntu akunda cyane kandi akaba yifuza katamutakaza. Ahorana ikibazo cyo kumenya ikintu nyakuri umukunzi we yishimira ku buryo yajya akimukorera kenshi gashoboka ngo urukundo rwabo rukure. Menya uburyo wakoresha ugatonesha umukunzi wawe binyuze mu ngingo 5 ‘The 5 love languages’.
Kuri iyi Isi nta muntu utifuza gukundwa cyangwa ngo akunde gusa ntabwo ari ibya buri wese guhishurirwa ibanga ry’urukundo kuko hari abantu baba batazi gutonesha abakunzi babo cyangwa kubasha kuba umutoni mu rukundo barimo.
Uburyo wamenya icyo umukunzi wawe yishimira cyane bwasobanuwe n’umugabo w’umuhanga cyane mu by’imibanire y’abantu, umwanditsi w’ibitabo akaba n’umunyamakuru witwa Dr. Gary Chapman abicishije mu gitabo yanditse mu mwaka wa 1995 cyamamaye ku izina rya The 5 love languages.
Igitabo the five love languages cyafashije benshi
Muri iki gitabo Chapman yafashe urukundo arugereranya n’umubumbe uriho abantu bumva indimi 5 zitandukanye aho buri wese aba akeneye kubwirwa mu rurimi yisangamo kurenza izindi.
Asobanura uburyo abantu benshi bakunze kwibeshya ko niba ukunda umuntu byanze bikunze uba ugomba kumusohokana, ukamuzanira impano, ukamuganiriza umwanya munini kuri telephone n’ibindi byinshi cyane. Ibi byose ni byiza cyane ntako bisa rwose, kuko bituma amarangamutima y’uwo mukundana azamuka bikamugaragariza ko umwitayeho.
Gusa ku rundi ruhande, ntwabo ari abantu bose bakunda kuganirizwa kuri telephone umwanya munini kuko hari ababifata nko guta umwanya, si nako abantu bose bakunda impano kuko hari abazifata nko gutagaguza amafaranga.
Tugiye kurebera hamwe izo ndimi 5 zumvwa bitandukanye mu isi y’urukundo, ibi bikaba byagufasha kurambana n’uwo ukunda, kumenya icyo akunda cyangwa se icyo yanga maze bikaba byagufasha kuzamura umubano wanyu.
1. Amagamo aryohereye cyane
Hari abantu mu rukundo bakunda amagambo aryoheye amatwi bakumva icyanga cy’urukundo igihe babwiwe interuro zibubaka. Muri iki gitabo Dr Chapman yavuze ko abantu bateye batya ururimi rwabo rw’urukundo (love language) bumva cyangwa se bagomba kuganirizwamo ari amagambo meza yo kubaha agaciro (Words of Affirmation).
Si ngombwa ibintu bihambaye cyangwa se birimo ubwenge bwinshi ku buryo bigoranye kubyumva, ahubwo interuro ngufi ziganjemo kumushimagiza ndetse no kumwereka ko ari mwiza igihe cyose, bishobora gutuma umutima we uwigarurira.
Ibizakubwira ko umukunzi wawe akunda amagambo meza kurenza ibindi ni uko uzabona yishimye cyane igihe umubwiye ko ameze neza mu buryo ubu n’ubu cyangwa se igihe umushimye ku bw’igikorwa runaka yakoze akakugaragariza ko bimunejeje ku rwego rwo hejuru.
Ingero nke z’ibyo wabwira uwo mukundana igihe wamenye ko mu isi y’urukundo akunda ururimi rw’amagambo aryoheye amatwi;
“Ni wowe wenyine nkunda”
“Sinjya nkurambirwa”
“Iyo wambaye utyo ugaragara neza cyane”
“Utuma mpora nishimye”
“Nakunze uko wasokoje uyu munsi”,
“Nishimira kuba ngufite, n’ibindi.
Nyuma y’ibyo wongeraho amagambo nka ‘ndagukunda’ ukabimubwira kenshi gashoboka. Ku rundi ruhande, amagambo mabi aseserereza ashobora gutera ishavu rikomeye umukunzi wawe uteye atya ndetse rwose bikaba byamugora kukubabarira kuko amagambo ari cyo kintu aha agaciro kurenza ibindi byose.
Hari abantu mu rukundo bashimishwa no kubwirwa amagambo anogeye amatwi kurenza ibindi
2. Gukorerwa imirimo y’ubufasha mu bintu binyuranye
Hari abantu nanone bumva banezerewe ari uko beretswe urukundo binyuze mu rurimi rw’ibikorwa kandi bitanahambaye cyane (Acts of service). Ibiranga bene aba bantu ni uguhora bumvikana bavuga ngo ”ibikorwa biruta amagambo”.
Niba ufite umukunzi uhora akubwira ko yanga umuntu uvuga adakora cyangwa se agakunda kukubwira ko buriya ibikorwa biruta amagambo, cyangwa se ukabona igihe ari gukora ibintu runaka aba ashaka ko uba umuri iruhande cyangwa se uri kumufasha, jya umenya ko urukundo arwumva binyuze mu bikorwa.
Icyo aba ashaka si impano, si amafaranga cyangwa ikindi icyo ari cyo cyose ahubwo ni ukukubona uri kumukorera utuntu duto cyane rwose nko; kumutekera, kumumesera n’utundi tuntu tumwereka ko wakoresheje ibitekerezo, umwanya wawe n’imbaraga ku bwe.
Niba ufite umukunzi ukunda ibi rero mwaba mubana cyangwa se mubyitegura, uba ugomba kubimukorera kandi ukabikora n’umutima mwiza ntiwumve ko ari ukukugira umucakara we. Iyo ubikoze wishimye abona ko ari uw’agaciro mu maso yawe kandi ko uzahora umurwanira ishyaka igihe cyose ndetse n’igihe azaba afite imbaraga nke ko uzakomeza kumuba hafi.
Gutekera umukunzi wawe byamunezeza igihe ‘love language’ ye ari ugufashwa imirimo
3. Kwakira impano
Mu rukundo hari abantu bakunda impano byahebuje ku buryo abikwibwirira cyangwa akabiganira n’abandi atanyuze ku ruhande ati ” Jyewe rwose unkunda ntumpe impano byaba ari nko gukora ubusa”. Bene uyu muntu yumva uburyohe bw’urukundo iyo abwiwe mu rurimi Dr. Chapman yise kwakira impano (Receiving Gifts).
Niba umukunzi wawe cyangwa se umufasha wawe ubona akunda impano cyane, buri gihe ntibizagusaba ko ukoresha amafaranga menshi ngo umugurire ibimushimisha kuko ibintu bito by’amafaranga macye ariko bifite igisobanuro runaka mu rukundo nabyo byajya bimikora ku mutima, akumva akunzwe kandi yishimiwe bihebuje.
Aha ngaha bitandukanye no ku bijyanye no gukorerwa imirimo kuko aha ukora ibijyanye no gufasha umukunzi wawe mu byo nawe ashobora kwikorera by’imirimo ya buri munsi isanzwe.
Impano akenshi zitanasaba amafaranga menshi zatuma umukunzi wawe akwiyumvamo bidasanzwe igihe guhabwa impano ari byo yishimira
4. Kumarana igihe
Umukunzi wishimira kumarana igihe nawe ni wa wundi uhora yifuza ko mwamarana umwanya munini muganira, mwaba muri kumwe cyangwa mutari kumwe, mwaba muvugana cyangwa se mwandikirana. Bene uyu muntu si ngombwa ko umara icyo gihe cyose muvugana umubwira amagambo y’urukundo gusa, ahubwo we aba akeneye ko umuha igihe gusa n’iyo wamubwira ibintu bisekeje cyangwa se mukiganirira amakuru yiriwe avugwa biramushimisha.
Ikindi cyakubwira ko umukunzi wawe Love language ye ari ukumarana igihe ni uko uzumva buri gihe yifuza ko musohokana nko ku mazi, mu kabyiniro n’ahandi ku buryo mbese muryoherwa n’ubuzima muri hamwe.
Niba rero umuntu mukundana yiyumva muri iki kiswe ururimi rwo kumarana igihe, aba akeneye ko igihe muganira aba ari we uha agaciro kurenza ibindi byose muri ako kanya kuko iruhande rwawe ni ho hantu honyine yumva atuje kandi aguwe neza cyane.
Ibintu byo kumubwira ngo abe yihanganye uvugane n’undi muntu igihe muri kuvuganira kuri telephone, kwigira ku mbuga nkoranyambaga igihe muri kuganira mwegeranye ni bibi cyane.
Buri gihe uhinduye itariki mwari guhuriraho, cyangwa ntugaragare aho mwasezeranye guhurira biramubabaza cyane igiye love language ye ari ukumarana igihe, kuko ahita akeka ko hari ibindi bintu umurutisha.
Guha umwanya umuntu ukunda ni iby’ingenzi mu rukundo niba yarakugaragarije ko aryoherwa n’urukundo igihe muri kumwe igihe kirekire
5. Gukora ndetse no gukorwaho
Umuntu ufite iyi Love language, nta kintu kimuryohera mu rukundo nko kumva hafi ye umubiri w’uwo bakundana uri kumukoraho nawe awukoraho. Uyu muntu wumva uburyohe bw’urukundo binyuze mu gukorwaho yumva atuje cyane igihe umufashe mu biganza, akumva isi iryoshye igihe umukunzi we amusoma, yumva akunzwe igihe uwo bakundana bahoberanye umwanya munini bagundiranye (Hugging), n’ibindi byose byiganjemo ugukoranaho kw’imibiri yabo bombi.
Igihe rero ufite umukunzi umeze atya, niba agusabye ko umusoma cyangwa se we ngo agusome n’igihe agusabye ko mwegerana bidasanzwe ibi akabikora inshuro nyinshi, ntugakeke ko ari imico mibi afite ahubwo ujye umenya ko kumva urukundo nyakuri kuri we binyura mu gukoranaho, kandi ko ari ibisanzwe kuko hari abantu benshi bameze batyo.
Niba rero umukunzi wawe ururimi yiyumva mo cyane mu rukundo ari ugukoranaho, impano z’agaciro ako ariko kose, kumusohokana ahantu hahenze cyangwa se kumubwira amagambo asize ubuki (imitoma) ntabeo ari byo bw’ingenzi nubwo nabyo biba bikenewe. Ahubwo aba ashaka kukumva hafi ye atari mu buryo bw’amarangamutima gusa, ahubwo ari mu buryo bufatika ku buryo agufata akakumva neza.
Umuntu ufite love language ya Physical touch (Gukorana ho) anezerwa no kumva umubiri w’umukunzi we ukora kuwe
Muri make, ibi bintu byose byavuzwe na Dr. Chapman yise indimi z’urukundo (Love languages) ntawavuga ko hari icyo yanga kuko byose bishimisha kandi ari ingenzi mu rukundo, gusa abantu bose ntibabikunda kimwe kuko hari icyo buri muntu yisangamo kurenza ibindi byose. Iyo umenye rero icyo uwo ukunda yishimira cyane, nawe kandi akamenya icyo ukunda kuruta ibindi, umubano wanyu, urukundo ndetse n’urugo rwanyu ntibijegajega.
